Abs of Thunder
by Unknownnobody32
Summary: During a flight on-board Stark's jet, Jane learns how turbulence, pasta sauce, her Thunder god boyfriend, and his rock hard abs can soon become a recipe for embarrassment all thanks to bad timing.


_**A/N: ** So I've been sitting on this idea since early March, a busy period which didn't give me much opportunity to develop it any further than a few scattered notes. No idea what inspired this near-crack insanity, but I'm happy I can finally write out the scenario that had me cackling to myself six months ago. _

* * *

Dr. Foster had spent a long few weeks visiting her Alma Matter, collaborating on several projects with a number of colleagues at Culver University. Between that and her never ending SHIELD funded research, Jane was more than happy to take a breather in New York spending some quality time with Thor within the Avenger's mansion.

That was until Darcy showed up in the Tower's lobby unannounced and apparently straight from the airport. Turns out, Selvic had a lecture scheduled for the afternoon before a group of peers at Berkeley University. Darcy had figured he could use all the support she could muster, given this could possibly be his first time taken seriously in the academic world since his mental state recovered. So that was how Jane ended up on Stark's private jet flying to California with both Thor and Darcy.

"Thanks again, Tony, for letting us hitch a ride with you." Jane was saying.

She currently sat at a small table in the dining compartment with Thor by her side, both of them sharing a meal and a few glasses of Merlot with Tony and Pepper.

"Anything to help out Thor's gal." Tony says, sending the couple a playful wink from across the table, "Besides, I kinda missed California. I'd say a short trip was long overdue. Maybe while we're there we can visit that vineyard you like so much, eh Pep? They always give us loads of complimentary wine and I'd kill for some right now."

"Tony, we're already drinking wine." Pepper deadpans.

Stark shrugs, "You can never have too much wine."

Pepper doesn't argue, though she still looks far from approving.

"Did somebody say wine?!" Darcy asks, coming down the aisle from the direction of the lounge.

She sits without warning, squeezing on the end of a seat made for two and forcing Jane and Thor to slide over. "Ooh, can I have some?"

Her eyes go huge when she takes in the label. "This is the good stuff too, a couple hundred bucks a bottle, I bet."

"No." Jane replies, moving the bottle out of Darcy's reach.

Darcy's voice heightens to a whine, "But whhyyy? You're not my mama!"

"No, but I _am_ the one who's gonna have to put up with you when you're sloshed on 'the good stuff'. You don't have a lot of self-control as it is and I'd figure Erik would better prefer your company when you're sober."

"Aw, you're no fun! And I'm not _that_ bad; it was only one time."

Thor chuckles, "From the way Jane has told it, it was at least several."

"You're not helping!" Darcy pouts.

Tony, on the other hand, looks slightly impressed. "I gotta say, the kid's got an eye for wine. Can we take her to the vineyard?"

Pepper's inflection mimics Jane's, "No."

"You're no fun either." Tony teases, earning a snort from Darcy.

Pepper narrows eyes at the billionaire who beams innocently at her from behind the rim of his glass.

"So I've heard. You see, unlike Tony here, I'm not just on-board for the joyride." She explains.

"Company business?" Jane guesses.

Pepper nods, "LA meeting in several hours."

Suddenly, the pilot's voice interrupts over the intercom: "Just a fair warning to you and your guests, Mr. Stark, but there's a bit of turbulence ahead. It'll be wise to strap in."

"Okay, thanks Burney! You heard the man, let's buckle up."

* * *

It was strange to be sitting at what looked like a dining table with safety straps attached to the seats, but Jane decided it was almost as comfortable as sitting first class. Well maybe, if it wasn't for Darcy's elbow in her side.

Mere seconds after securing themselves in did the turbulence start to rattle the cabin. As the jarring movements shook their table, Darcy and Jane sat looking undeniably frazzled compared to Pepper's cool composure. Of course Thor seemed indifferent, bored almost, and Stark - obviously having flown a thousand times and most likely used to worst in the suit- kept the conversation going normally, one hand steadying the wine bottle while the other held his own glass.

"So Big Thunder, Jane tells me you flew a Dark Elf spaceship. How was that?"

"It was more difficult than I had originally imagined, but I handled it with minimal damage."

"Ha, maybe I ought to have Rhodey give you flying lessons." Tony jokes.

"Please don't." Jane looks positively ill at the thought of it; then again, swaying to and fro could do that to a person.

Sensing tension in her voice, Thor peers downward in time to see her grip onto the tablecloth for dear life.

From her left, Darcy wasn't fairing any better, announcing to no one in particular, "I could _really_ use that wine right now."

Jane ignores Darcy and Darcy's fingers digging into her shoulder to instead passively observe Pepper's phone sliding off the table and Stark catching it with well-timed reflexes.

"I was not so terrible a pilot." Thor argues, recapturing her attention.

Tony smirks, "So I take it it was a rough flight?"

Still wobbling, Jane takes Darcy's advice and first downs the rest of her wine, "Yep. 'Bout as rocky as this one, if me passing out is anything to go by."

Thor's tone is light as he slips an arm around her waist to anchor her, "That was the Aether, my heart, and its power weakening you."

Jane leans comfortably into him, equally thankful for the distracting banter and his body's stability.

She shoots him an impish grin, "Sure, let's blame that, but remember, the Aether wasn't the one crashing into things."

Thor's huff of laughter is the last sound they hear before the final few jolts of turbulence come to an abrupt end. No one expects it when Jane lurches violently forward into her plate of marinara and pasta.

"Crap!" Shouts Jane as she surveys the tomatoey splotch all over her cream colored blouse.

Concerned, Thor splays a warm hand against her lower back, "Jane, are you alright?"

"Yea I'm fine, just my shirt's ruined. Ugh! I can't go to the seminar like this!"

Darcy rushes to hand Jane every napkin she could get her paws on; meanwhile, a crackling on the intercom signals the pilot's latest update.

"Okay Mr. Stark, we're in the clear. Passengers are free to unstrap."

"Sure thing, Burney. Hey Jane, why don't you go to the sink and try blotting that with cold water? I once splattered sauce on a tie, and that did the trick." Suggests Tony.

"That's a good idea." Pepper agrees, "And if that doesn't work, run the stream through the back of the stain."

Jane unfastens herself while Thor stands, giving her room to get up. "Okay thanks, I will. Excuse me everybody, I'll be right back."

* * *

She had spent the last ten minutes hunched over the sink and dabbing at the stain with a wet soapy cloth to no avail. When Darcy ambles into the lavatory, she finds Jane pulling the blouse up and over her shoulders.

"Still no luck?"

Jane sighs, "No, I'm gonna have to dip the whole thing in cold water. Squirt some soap in the sink, will ya?"

After two pumps of hand soap, Darcy pauses, "Wait… if you dunk it all the way, how are you gonna dry it in time?"

Jane unceremoniously plops her shirt under the running tap. "I'll worry about that problem once I get the stain out."

"Whatever, just asking. I mean, I was gonna recommend you hang it out the porthole, but if you don't want my help."

Darcy's teasing remark goes unanswered, only met with the echoes of sloshing liquid.

"Wow, tough crowd. Kay fine…uh…" Darcy wrinkles her nose in thought, "I have hair spray in my bag. Isn't there some old remedy for removing stains with hair spray?"

"That's for ink stains, but thanks anyway." Jane answers, offering Darcy a weak smile in return.

After a short span of silence, both women look to the door behind them when it opens, revealing Thor.

Standing there in that moment, he somehow finds Jane adorable- half-dressed and disheveled with splashed water drenching her cami and hair on the verge of unruly.

He steps in and tries to hide his smile. "Does your garment remain soiled?"

Jane puffs out a hot breath in frustration, "Afraid so."

The god gives into his impulse and bends to place a reassuring kiss upon her forehead. "Perhaps the Lady Pepper has something suitable for you to borrow."

"Yea maybe. I just wish 'Stark airlines' came with a laundromat and some stain remover."

Oddly enough, whatever she'd said causes Darcy to promptly erupt into snickers.

"Something funny?"

"Heh, sorta." Darcy cocks a head toward the Thunderer, "Just a shame you can't put those demigod-grade abs of his to use. Get it, washboard abs?"

"A literal washboard..." Jane muses to herself.

Interest peaked, she circles Thor, sneaking a hand up the hem of his shirt and lifting for a preview of said abs. He eyes her with a bewildered expression when she begins to check their firmness, pressing down on the bundle of muscles with her fingertips.

"Darce, you're brilliant!" She suddenly declares.

"I _am?__"_

Jane then dazzles Asgard's prince with her most flirtatious grin. "Thor, take off your shirt."

* * *

Jane had a strong inclination this idea would seem utterly ridiculous to her later, yet for now she'd just chalk it up to desperate times and Darcy's weird sense of humor.

Except even Darcy looks on in amused horror, staring at the astrophysicist like she had taken leave of her senses. "Uh Jane, you _did_ know I was joking before, didn't you?"

"Yea yea sure…" She distractedly waves away Darcy with her free hand. "Darce, could you go up front and dig in my purse for a travel sized bar of soap? I'm kinda running low here."

Thor shoots Darcy a helpless look, but she merely shrugs.

"Hang in there, big guy." She says, giving his bare arm a pat on her way out.

Switching tactics, Thor fidgets and turns pleading eyes on Jane. She in turn uses all the petite strength she could muster to shove the Aseir back down onto the table and he indulges her, reclining with a frown.

"Hold still!"

His scowl deepens, "This is most uncomfortable."

"Shush, you baby. Besides, a few minutes ago, you sounded all too eager to help."

"I must admit, this is not what I had in mind when you required I disrobe." Thor grumbles.

Giggling, Jane scrubs harder against his squirms and fights the urge to swat him for his naughty li'l quip with her soppy blouse. In fact, she was so busy giggling, she missed the shuffle of Tony's footsteps or the sound of him rambling on his way into the room.

"Foster, how 'bout we detour to a mall and I'll just bill your blouse to my …" He catches sight of them and breaks off midsentence. And they couldn't have looked more awkward.

Jane's in her bra- crouched over and practically straddling Thor- her wet camisole abandoned on a nearby counter. Under her, Thor lays stretched out shirtless, his jeans spotted dark due to a trail of water traveling up his pant legs. There's a soaked clump of fabric that looked like Jane's blouse draped across his stomach and a few soapsuds sprinkled his chest.

She startles once she notices Stark, her own sudsy hands dropping into Thor's lap.

"Tony!"

"This is what I get for not knocking," Tony mutters, immediately shielding his face with his palm. "But hey, if you needed alone time, all you had to do was ask."

"Wait, what!?" Jane squeaks, "No, this … this isn't-"

"What it looks like?" Tony finishes, "Well it looks like something vaguely kinky that I just can't put my finger on. Either way, it outta get you in the Mile High Club."

Tony punctuates his statement with a very suggestive eyebrow waggle, much to Jane's dismay. At least then he finally exhibits the decency of turning around to give them some semblance of privacy.

Snatching up her blouse, Dr. Foster scrambles away and tries in vain to put some distance between her and Thor. "No no! We weren't doing _that!__"_

"Unfortunately." Thor mumbles under his breath. This time she does smack him with her wet laundry.

She tries again, "You don't understand. Thor's helping me with the stain!"

"S'okay. I understand perfectly." Stark throws them a mischievous glance over his shoulder, "I'll just leave you two crazy kids alone."

Mortified, Jane watches Stark's retreating back, feeling caught between laughter and tears.

She looks to Thor, still damp and covered in suds. "It's just not my day, isn't it?"

No sooner than she'd said this, Darcy's head emerges from the doorway, a scarf in her clutches.

"Soooo... _I_ have a couple of delicates that could use a good scrubbing."

Thor laughs when Jane chucks her soggy blouse at Darcy's face.


End file.
